He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
