Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
