Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
