i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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