TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
