I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
