question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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