The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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