My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
