I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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