so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
