If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
