He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
