I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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