Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
