she woke up with a sticky ear
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
As shirtless as possible
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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