He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
