she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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