We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
