my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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