I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
