mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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