Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
