He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
