no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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