i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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