dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
