I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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