K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
