possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
