dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The air was thick with penises
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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