I can text with my tongue
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
