Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If I had your ass I would rule the world
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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