ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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