What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
