How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
