everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
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