i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
