I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
