belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
where are my eyebrows?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
