I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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