I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
