just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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