ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
