you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
