Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
