My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I want a musical about memes.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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