I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
