Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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