Already got asked if we're dating
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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